Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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