I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
