I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
