Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
