the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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