so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
