Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
