Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
