Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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