I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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