Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
