Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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