Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
