You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
