Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
