she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
