can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
