I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
