Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
