last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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