He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
