hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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