Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
