i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
