he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
