Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
