I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
