Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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