you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
