I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
