Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
