tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
