Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
