week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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