Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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