i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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