omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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