His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
