Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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