you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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