dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my vagina is haunted
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
