I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
