In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He shit in the fireplace
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
