yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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