Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
