just tell him i said nine months
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
