would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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