No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
