bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
