we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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