Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
