I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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