dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
