dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
