I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
