Life is so much better after having sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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