Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
