OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
