She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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