dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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