Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
