Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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