She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
