I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm really into asian looking animals
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
