I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
