There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
