so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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