i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
