the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i would punch a child for taco bell
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
