Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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