I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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