When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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