I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
