sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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