dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
