after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
